We're republishing this classic NewGradOptometry post with updated jokes for 2021—enjoy!
1. They see eyeballs all the time, and as a result may not think yours are so special after all. That little color spot you’ve been so proud of since you were a kid? That’s just an iris nevus.
2. Optometrists are intelligent, motivated, and confident. And… arrogant.
3. Financial security is a factor that draws people to want to snag a doctor. However, let’s not forget it is very common for an optometrist to come out of school with well over $200,000 in debt. If it truly is all about the Benjamins, be prepared to hang in there. It’s a long con, folks.
4. That first “overnight visit” at their place might not feel as magical when you’re reprimanded in the morning for having slept in your contact lenses.
5. Optometrists don’t necessarily have a Monday through Friday, 9 to 5 schedule. While they likely won’t have trouble finding work, don’t expect them to be able to make it to a Saturday brunch. And if you want them to come as your plus-one to your friend Phoebe’s destination wedding in September, you better let them know in advance.
6. And good luck getting them to call in sick or go to work late. They’re frustratingly responsible.
7. They will force you to get your eyes checked significantly more often than you probably would have on your own.
8. Optometrists bring compassion to every interaction with their patients, even the frustrating ones. When they come home to you and their safe space, don’t be surprised if they need to vent about how Mrs. Robinson won’t accept that she needs bifocals.
9. They went through a lot of schooling and passed a lot of difficult exams to get their degree. Some may call it persistence, but others call it stubbornness. Wait until your first argument – you’ll see what I mean.
10. Optometrists will help expand your vocabulary… and you will quickly realize this terminology has virtually no relevance beyond a coffee table discussion of the discontinuation of phenylephrine or the rising cost of antihistamine/mast-cell stabilizer combination agents.
11. Get ready to painstakingly explain the differences between an optometrist and an ophthalmologist. Often.
12. Your family and friends will have no qualms about asking your optometrist-lover for special attention, discounts or other “hook-ups.” Your optometrist-lover, on the other hand, will feel awkward and ethically conflicted about whether he or she should even see them as patients. Every time.
13. If it works out, you’re going to meet a LOT of other optometrists. Good luck getting through so much as a meal, much less a night, without finding yourself involved in some serious eye-talk.
14. It’s hard to give them an original gift. Any cutesy item with a pair of glasses and/or eye chart on it has probably already been gifted to them before, multiple times.
15. The secret is out: optometrists are now in high demand. Be ready for a lot of competition. Haven’t you read the latest on the dating blogs?
